For many years I have known deep down that I didn't known the truth about God and spiritual matters, I have wondered and questioned why there are so many " religions" and why God wrote a book called The Holy Bible. I once had the audicity to ASK GOD IN PRAYER WHY HE WROTE A BOOK NO ONE COULD UNDERSTAND. I honestly expected to be be struck down by lightening or even worse!
It didn't help being brought up living next door to a Roman Catholic household on the one side and a baptist and methodist on the other. I loved the stories about Jesus and a neighbour next door but one taught me to sing hymns and love the Psalms.
In our house we were taught to believe in God and do what is right which left us with a pretty broad canvas. So we dabbled with spiritualism, superstition and fear of anything supernatural and joined the local Church of England. Even this church my parents took me to was not one that answered any of my questions and I used to get irritated when nothing seemed to make sense. Yes, you have guessed it I asked God in prayer why he didnt do something about this.
In mitigation I was only 7 years of age at the time. Can you imagine this was like complaining to God He wasn't doing HIs job. Now I know that God is loving, kind and merciful and whats more He has a sense of humour. I told myself this because I am still alive. One day I heard the words
" patience , they cannot tell you what they don't know " I thought great ! I would like to know who does know then? Not wanting to offend God from there on in I decided I had better be careful what I say and so I just finished my prayers tried to seek the answers in my own way and in my own understanding, of course I looked in all the wrong places and thats a story in itself.
Let me say now with hindsight, you don't ask God in prayer things like this without being answered and taken on a journey of revelation and discovery. The trick is asking the right questions and having a knowledge of His word, this is the beginning of wisdom. I confess for me it didnt happen overnight and I am ashamed to say it took me decades to come to know that all prayers in God's will and purpose are answered. Together with this knowledge that I didn't know God's will and purpose, I knew I had a fear of spiritual things and so a few years went by before anything bordering on truth and understanding happened . I was angry to find out that I was a sinner and that before being baptised I had to apologise to God. I didnt know or understand that I had anything to apologise for and today I wonder how many people go through the same thing simply because they don't really know what sin is. TODAY I KNOW and understanding this was paramount to really knowing what John 3: 16
I was one of the best pew warmers there ever was and I enjoyed the hymns and some of the fellowship. It never occured to me that going to church once a week was not really what The LORD intended. I just knew that my life seemed empty without God in it. I didnt know then that everything is in God's perfect timing.
In 1986 \87 I had a nervous breakdown and was in hospital a few weeks. One day I was sat in the ward room and I saw the solid wall in front of me open up so that I could see into the grounds of the hospital. A huge black cross appeared and as I looked a thin golden light travelled round the edge of the cross. It grew brighter and brighter and a figure was stood in the light beckoning me. I walked into the light of the cross and found myself in a fairly dark large room. There were shelves of books from floor to ceiling and at the end of the room was a dais bathed in a bright light and on the dais was a large book. It was The Holy Bible and the figure that beckoned me picked up the book and flipped through the pages from back to front and then from front to back. As He was doing this He said " What you know in part you will soon know in full ", I felt as though I had read that bible and then the vision disappeared.
Bear with me if you will but I was afraid. I knew I wasn't going to tell anyone about this experience. Here I was in hospital that could lock me up and throw away the key. The last thing I wanted was for people to think I was as nutty as a fruit cake.
Ten years on after the death of my mother and the loss of my job I began writing childrens stories, and one day adult family members said as I read these to my nephews children. "why dont you edit these and publish them". I had about ten short stories and I thought I might just do that.
The very next day I switched on my computer and sat down with the intention of editing the stories but instead I had a blank page and began writing poetry. The first poem was about the experience I had in hospital and it really shook me up because I had tried to push the experience out of my mind for one thing and for another I didn't write poetry, didnt like poetry and never learned it at school. Never the less in just a year I had written 200 poems. and this continued year after year at about 100 per year. Todate there are 600. I met other poets on line and had an exhibition of my work. I put some of the spiritual poetry in small card books and gave them to friends and those who needed cheering up.
In 2002 I had another experience and this also shook me up. I had retired for the night, was not asleep and I turned to switch off the light. A small speck of light appeared and the light grew larger and there stood in the light was Jesus . I looked to see if there was a light shining through the windows, I couldn't understand where this very bright light was coming from. Jesus was in pure white raiment and to be honest I thought I was dead. This can't be happening for real I thought and the Bible says (No man can see God and live.) This is what happens when we take scriptures out of context. The whole room was full of light. I have never experienced anything as beautiful as this was as he raised His hand and the light fell across me, I felt pure and perfect love fill my whole being. This vision seemed to last for hours and in the morning when I awoke I wrote two poems: No Greater Love and Awesome Glory.
Yes, there is a God and He listens to our prayers, He is beautiful, mighty, loving and kind and HIs mercies know no end. In His perfect timing He prepared the way for me to have answers and understanding of HIs Ways, His Agenda, and His Holy Word.
Over the past few years He had Benny Hinn teach me about The Holy Spirit. Gradually I was seeking for people who had had simular experiences. I knew I couldn't be the only one and through Sid Roth and other evangelicals I found hundreds.
The most important thing to me is the fact that when I was ready God had another divine appointment for me in the light of Michael Rood. His knowledge of The Bible and his widom and understanding have answered all the questions I asked since I was a child. Its true The truth does make you free. Its even worth the persecution that comes with it when you try to share it with family and friends who really think I have gone all religious! I must admit I dont understand why " Christians" find it so hard to believe that God has something to share with them that is so important in the coming days that we live in. Information that will bless and prepare them for what is to come. Without God we can do nothing. With God all things are possible.